you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
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