its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
