were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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