I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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