he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize