Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
