She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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