Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
