when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
