i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
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