I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
My life is pants optional.
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