It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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