hotel room ftw
I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
You made out with two different species that night
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
