I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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