I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Randomize
