yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
