just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
