he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
