$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
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Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
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last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
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