I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.