jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!