i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
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on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
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Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.