sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
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My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
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I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs