i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?