We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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