Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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