No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I just found a bag of teeth...
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
don't judge my taste in strippers
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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