my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
