I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
