I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
