she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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