I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
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