stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
We're too hungover to prance.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
