I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
be right there i have to get my cape
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
