and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
