oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
