That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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