hell yes lets make some ravioli
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Drake has all the answers
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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