so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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