He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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