ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
