i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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