half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
