I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
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