my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
