I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
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