I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
