Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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