I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
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And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
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What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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