I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
