hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
i dont even know how to be here
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize