Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize