she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
