ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
