Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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