I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
It was like getting head from an anaconda
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Randomize