i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
