I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
