I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i only shaved half my leg
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this