some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter