man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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