i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
