They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
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