shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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