Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Randomize
