her vagine was all disorganized.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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